Childless on Mother’s Day

Celebrating Mother's Day when you do not have children

Mother’s Day and Father’s Day for the Childless:

Today’s post is written specifically for some of my favorite friends.  Please send this to someone who can use it, if this does not apply to you. Also, you may click on the menu where you will find many new pages that have never appeared on the main screen.

Today, we will talk about childlessness at holidays, but we do not want to overlook the rest of our readers. The blog has several new pages about healthy living, special needs children, respite, counseling, as well as many new motivations and prayers. Additional posts may be found in the categories.

To begin today’s post, let me introduce you to 10 of the people it is written for:

1. My friend- She lost her only son. She was in the process of trying to conceive, again, when she was involved in a life-altering car accident that left her barren and in a wheelchair.

2. A precious 92 year old man- He wanted to have children, with his wife, but they were unable to conceive. Now that his wife has passed, he spends most of his holidays with no one to visit him.

Childlessness can have lasting effects on both spouses.

3. Another retired man I know- His wife also recently passed away. Every time I see him, he cries over the fact that he and his wife never had children.  He feels like he is completely alone in the world.

4. A friend of mine who had a hysterectomy at an early age- Her husband did not want to adopt. Now, she regrets listening to her husband.

You may be childless, but you are not alone!

5. One of my closest, long- time friends- She was never able to have children for a different reason. Her fiancé took his life before they married.

6. Another friend of mine who has deep emotional wounds- She regrets not marrying her first love. Now, she is retirement age with no husband and no children.

You may have regrets or resentment, but you are not alone!

7. A lady I was friends with, years ago- She had severe resentment toward her husband.  He raised his own children, by his late wife, and then got a vasectomy without my friend’s consent.  She also was barren.

8. Another childless woman- She was asked to make breakfast for the mothers, at her church.  She was asked to help cook and serve because she would not be one of the mothers honored at the breakfast.  Obviously, that woman turned down the invitation to cook for the “real moms”.

You may be dishonored or disrespected, but you are not alone!

9. A couple who gave me their entire library of children’s books- The daughter they adopted left them, around age 17, to help her birth-mother deal drugs.

10. Finally, this is written for the many people I meet who are single and trying to care for a parent or spouse.  Several of these men and women feel all alone in their caregiving.

Do any of the scenarios resonate with you?

You might relate to some of the stories above.  You may be the person who is always asked to help in the nursery “because you do not have kids”.

Do the upcoming holidays cause you dread and angst?  I do not want to make light of any of the stories above, nor do I want to belittle your story. The following is written simply to encourage and uplift during this weekend of stress.  Some people never had children, some unfortunately lost children, and other people mourn the loss of their own mother.

Mother’s Day:

We have already discussed the stress of Valentine’s Day and Christmas.  Today, we will look at Mother’s Day and Father’s Day.

First, we will talk about Mother’s Day.  Is Mother’s Day difficult for you? This year it falls on May 14th.  May 14th is also known as another holiday- it is “Chicken Dance Day”.  If Mother’s Day causes your nerves to cringe, perhaps you could cross through that holiday on your calendar and rename the day “Chicken Dance Day”.  You could serve fried chicken and enjoy a good laugh.

There are other holidays that fall around Mother’s Day.  I will only mention two fun ideas for celebration.  You could commemorate “Nutty Fudge Day” on May 12th or “Straw Hat Day” on May 15th.

Father’s Day:

Perhaps you handle Mother’s Day with finesse, but Father’s Day is more difficult for you.  Does Father’s Day cause you agitation and woe?  This year it falls on June 18th.  Also, on June 18th is a holiday known as “Go Fishing Day”.  Try celebrating “Go Fishing Day” instead.  You could sit by a tranquil stream, or you could go to your favorite seafood restaurant.

Another holiday that is near Father’s Day is “Apple Strudel Day” on June 17th.  Or, you could commemorate “Garfield the Cat Day” on June 19th.

We do have other suggestions for taking your mind off of the lonely, commercial holidays.  This blog has a post dedicated to obscure holidays that are in the same months as Mother’s Day and Father’s Day.  Please click here to read more of those fun holidays.  Do not forget to read the comments, made by others, on each of the posts.  Their comments are inspirational and helpful.

Make difficult days special…

To read part one of our Make Special series, click here.  Part two may be accessed by clicking here.  I would like to send out many thanks to the reader of this blog who gave me the calendar with all these fun holidays on it.

You have already been given the link for dreaded events. While you are preparing for a dreaded day, remember our tips about deep breathing, essential oils to help calm the nerves, and the many posts about stress relief.  Click on the menu and the categories for these pages and more.

Conclusion:

We never want to leave a post, which has been written about loss, without first pointing you to other resources that may help you in your time of devastation.  Please click the word in blue to read about resources for people who have experienced loss.  Click here to discover resources for people who have questions.

Again, this post was not to be trite. Your struggles are very real and your loss is very devastating.

  1. Consult your medical doctor if you are clinically depressed.
  2. If you need counseling, please click here for that resource.
  3. Also, check your local area for support groups dealing with your particular need and loss.

You are not alone!

You are valuable and you are not alone in your feelings.  This blog contains many pages with the four words “you are not alone”.  Your struggle is real and your emotions are valid.

While you are bombarded this weekend with Mother’s Day commercials and events, make a plan to treat yourself.  You are worth it!  Click here to read an earlier post about preparing for dreary days.

Please use the comment section, below, to tell others about your story.  We would also love to hear how you deal with your loss.  Your input is helping other caregivers.  Thank you for sharing your feelings and your challenges with others.

Please share these ideas with others.

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8 thoughts on “Childless on Mother’s Day”

  1. In the lady’s situation, above, that was asked to serve at the Mother’s Day event, she could have met some older lady without a daughter. She could have made a new “motherly” friend. I have been transferred around with my husband and after divorce and had to make new friends. Usually we moved close to older ladies without husbands or children. They adopted my daughter and myself and we had many wonderful times together. They were very good mentors to us both. Since I didn’t live close to my mother, they were such wonderful “fill-ins”. It hurt when they passed on. I guess I’m trying to say, yes, we hurt during these times, but we can take a lemon and make lemonade. Mine always taste pretty good!

  2. I had a hysterectomy at 25, never having children, tried to adopt and the birth father cancelled, I didn’t pursue adoption & fostering I was told you probably never get to adopt I simply couldn’t put myself thru that. The last 2 years now I’ve had the opportunity to sponsor a child in a different country. This year that agency after 14 yrs is no longer sponsoring children. However my “daughter” is 16 and we talk via Facebook. The first time she called me Mom I thought my heart would explode with joy!!! God has filled this emptiness in my heart and she has a positive person in her life!! I can’t thank God enough & I pray one day she & I can meet face to face

    1. Hannah, your comment is so inspiring. After all you have been through, you now have a daughter. It is so exciting to hear about the emptiness in your heart being filled! Happy Mother’s Day!

    2. Hannah, You’re story is so encouraging, and proof that God always provides and loves His daughters, even if it’s not in the way we originally expected! So beautiful that your girl has a guidance and encouragement through you as her “mom”! I pray that God will provide means for you to visit her face-to-face very soon!
      ” May the God of hope fill you with all joy and peace as you trust in Him. So that you may overflow with hope by the power of the Holy Spirit.” ~ Romans 15:18

  3. Yes, Mother’s and Father’s day are tough on so many. I lost my dad when I was 16; he was 42. I recently lost my rock, my Mom! But, you blog really helped me this year. Thanks so much. I just thought of all the good they did and that these celebrations are man made. Mainly a money making industry for cards, candy etc., but a good thing to recognize our wonderful parents. Yes, maybe they weren’t the best, non of us are. We learn as we go, but we do our best and as we get older, probably like our parents, we have regrets and “wish Ida’s” (wish I had done this better, etc.), but remember, non of us get a guide book except for the Bible. You can’t go wrong when you go by this book for raising children, treating our parents the way they should be, etc. Thanks for you wonderful, informative blogs. I read them all.

  4. Mother’s Day without children. Let me see. I have three stepdaughters, who have children, who have children. Do they bother with me? No, not any longer. However, I don’t let it bother me. My friends (that live near me) and I got together and went out to dinner. We had a fabulous time and enjoyed our day. Don’t be sad on Mother’s Day, nor any other holiday, please. Find a great way to look past the hurt and enjoy your day. Thoughts and prayers go out to each and every one of you.

  5. Eileen, I love how you are handling your situation. It must be extremely difficult to be excluded, after raising children. But, you are going out with friends and enjoying yourself. I love that! Your positive attitude always encourages me and others. You have so much joy and optimism. Thank you for sharing your valuable insight- to look past the hurt and enjoy the day.

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