Caregiver, do you feel resentment at times? Please read on to find some quick tools for coping with resentment…
Throughout this blog, we have read stories of people who resented their own bodies for being sick, their spouse for dying, loved ones for not helping, doctors who did not provide adequate care, bosses who misunderstood, people who seemed to have perfect lives, and the list goes on…
Do any of those thoughts resonate with you? Have you sat in a doctors office, waiting for hours, only to receive minimal care? Has a family member criticized your caregiving? Do you feel disrespected, overlooked, left alone, and frustrated?
You are not alone!
Welcome to part two of the caregiver resentment series! To read part one, click here. We mention the four words “you are not alone” quite frequently here because so many caregivers feel all alone.
Many times people find themselves comparing their lives with the lives of people around them. Individuals see perfectly healthy and intact families who have few problems. Social media does not help the distortion of reality. When we look at the social media profiles of friends we only see the good pictures, with smiles and happy events.
If you are struggling with financial, health, personal, family, or mental challenges, please do not compare what you know about your life with what you do not know about the lives of other people. Keep your confidence, expectancy, assurance, hope, and optimism up by applying some of the techniques we discussed in earlier posts.
Agony, devastation, tragedy, wounding, and disaster:
There are no words that can make your situation turn around momentarily. If you have lost a loved one, please know that this post is not meant to be trite. Two entire pages have been compiled with lists of books for people who have questions and those who experienced loss. There is also a page that lists resources for caregivers who are going through extremely difficult times. Click on the menu for those options.
Resentment in caregiving:
Today we are going to focus on one small portion of caregiving resentment. We will look at comparing ourselves with others.
Jealousy can arise when we see other people living the life we want to live. Envy can also derive from watching others living the way we once lived but we have now lost.
I have heard many stories of caregivers lamenting the vacations they once took, friends they once had, and good times they once participated in. In other posts, we have discussed the difficulties of these very emotions.
Today we will look outside our own four walls. Instead, we will examine four verses that give us perspective.
Caregiving in perspective:
It is so easy to see what others have that we want. The key to living a peaceful life, that is full of harmony, is to see what the scriptures record. Continuously, scripture tells us to live for an audience of One. Instead or worrying about what the rest of the world is doing, and what the rest of the world thinks of us, we should only care what God thinks.
- 1 John 2:15-16 says, “Do not love the world or the things of the world. If anyone loves the world, the love of the Father is not in him. For all that is in the world- the lust of the flesh, the lust of the eyes, and the pride of life- is not of the Father”
- John 5:44 says, “How can you believe, who receive honor from one another and do not seek the honor that comes only from God?”
- John 12:43 says, “For they loved the praise of men more than the praise of God.”
- Romans 2:29 says, “…praise is not from men but from God.”
- Ephesians 1:18 says, “I pray that the eyes of your heart may be enlightened in order that you may know the hope to which He has called you…”
Resentment in perspective:
After reading the verses above, and realizing that your life is meant to be lived for God, you can feel some of the weight of the comparison trap falling off you. Here are a few additional tips as you feel the jealousy and resentment creep in:
- Find a way to look up. Click on the prayer portion, of this blog, for prayers dealing with your specific issues.
- Find a way to lighten up. We have mentioned the healing benefits of laughter many times, so I will not belabor the point here.
- Find a way to look out. Below you will see a lists of posts that contain comments from other caregivers. You do not have to take my word for anything written on this page. Instead, read the comment sections of these posts and help yourself realize you are not the only one dealing with these emotions.
From the words of other caregivers:
To help you know that you are not the only burdened caregiver, links have been added below that contain caregiver’s comments. Click on the links below to read the comments other caregivers have written:
- Who are you?
- Depression in caregivers
- Emotional energy
- Places you do not want to be
- A caregiver’s start to the morning
- Laughter when it is difficult to laugh
- Caregiver stress test
- Communicating with someone who has Alzheimer’s
We have many other posts, throughout this blog, which help you know that you are not the only one dealing with the issues of loss, fear, anxiety, dread, stress, worry, etc… You, too, can help other caregivers realize they are not alone by sharing these posts.
Let other caregivers know that they are not crazy with the emotions they feel:
Do you know someone who could benefit from some of these resources? Feel free to share these posts on your Facebook, Pinterest, LinkedIn, and other social media via the social share buttons we have included for your convenience.
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