Caregiver Shame

Are you in bondage to fear or shame?

Do you know someone who is held captive by fears, anxiety, or shame?  Please read on…

Examples of shame:

1.  Loneliness:

When I was a child, my next door neighbor was a lonely widow.  She was unable to have children and relied on her husband for her self-worth.  After her husband died, she refused to leave her home.  She lived the remainder of her days as a recluse.

2. Physical Appearance:

I knew a girl, in High School, who wore long sleeved shirts and long pants everyday of the year.  She never wore shorts or T-shirts.  I wondered how she could handle the Southern heat in August, April, and May.

Many years after High School, I found out she had Eczema.  She must have been miserable during the summer as we had outdoor assemblies and walked uphill to classes.  Her shame was greater than her need for physical comfort.

3. Legacy:

A few years ago, I was acquainted with a man who was so ashamed about the fact that he and his wife never had children.  He talked about his childlessness every time I ran into him.

Childlessness was something he could never shake, even though he was retired, with a nice home and good income.  The holidays were especially harsh for him and eventually he was clinically diagnosed for the shame he felt.

4. Lack of Unconditional Acceptance:

Recently, I met a woman who did something a bit unorthodox in order to pay for cosmetic surgery.  Her implants were to please her new husband.  When she told us about her reasoning for her surgery, we were shocked.  We were equally stunned to find out how she acquired the money for the surgery and to learn that her husband could not love her for who she was.

5. Self Worth:

Another man I know is so despondent over being let go from his career that he has become critical, cynical, and withdrawn.


The people, in the stories above, felt trespassed against because of other’s judgements or hurtful accusations. Is there any area of your life where you have felt trespassed against?

Jesus tells us that we will be trespassed against when He gives us The Lord’s Prayer.  He does not say “if you have been trespassed against”.  The word “if” does not appear anywhere in his statement on forgiveness.  His prayer is based on the reality that everyone will be trespassed against.

Have you been lied to, stolen from, mocked, beaten, or worse?  You know what it is like to feel as if you are standing naked for the whole world to see if you were made fun of as a child, abandoned by a parent, abused, or had a dream crushed.

Has your trust been broken, your dignity violated, or are you locked in shame?  Some people are ashamed for small things like a broken fingernail or food on their teeth.  Other individuals have much greater amounts of shame they are carrying.

Shame or no shame?

There were only two humans who ever lived naked and unashamed.  Read Genesis 2:25 for proof.  Adam and Eve lived naked and unashamed up until a pivotal moment in history.  They introduced sin into the world and sin brought shame with it.  Adam and Eve listened to lies that are still circulating today.  Some examples are below, along with corresponding truths.

Caregivers can suffer the shame of disappointment, abandonment, betrayal, lies, loss, and injustice.  The beginning of this post contained five examples of people who were suffering shame due to loneliness, physical appearance, legacy, lack of unconditional acceptance, and self-worth.  News stories tell us daily of women who are ashamed because of being sold into sex trafficking, people who made poor decisions, child abuse, etc…

Keep reading to discover the truth about the voices that say you should be ashamed…

Two Voices

The Bible tells us that we will always have two competing voices.  It is up to us to decide which voice to listen to.  Look at the scenarios below and decide which areas of your life you have listened to the wrong voice.

Scenario 1-

A.   Voice # 1 is good and speaks truth.  His voice leads to freedom.  ( See John 8:31, 32, 36 and Galatians 5:1, 7, 13)
B.   Voice # 2 is evil.  The diabolical voice speaks lies and those lies lead to bondage.  (See John 8:44)

Scenario 2-

A.   Voice #1 is cleansing and healing.  (See Jeremiah 30:17)
B.   Voice #2 is a counterfeit.  (See Proverbs 3:7-8 and Acts 10:38)

Scenario 3-

A.   Voice #1 is liberty and peace.  (See Isaiah 26:3-4, 2 Corinthians 3:17, John 8:36)
B.   Voice #2 sounds powerful and victorious, but it is already defeated. (See Colosians 2:15 and 1 John 3:8)

Scenario 4-

A.   Voice #1 is redeeming.  (See Galatians 3:13)
B.   Voice #2 is slavery and death.  (See John10:10)

Which voice are you listening to?

Have you been knocked down and now you are confused about the competing voices?  Do you have shame from past events or trauma?  Click here to learn more about questions you may have, or here to leave a prayer request.

Battle of the Competing Voices

*The battle for your attention is very real.  Read 2 Corinthians 10:3-5 and Ephesians 6:10-13 if you do not believe in the war for your mind.

*Test the voices that are competing for your attention.  Read 1 John 4:1-4 to learn more about testing.

The Choice is Yours

Read Hosea 4:6 and James 4:7 to learn more about your options.  For now, let’s simplify your choices.

What are your options?

Of the four examples we listed earlier, here are the simple options.  Which will you choose?

1. Good, Truth, and Freedom… or Evil, Bondage, and Lies

2. Cleansing and Healing… or Soul Sickness and Death

3. Liberty and Peace… or Insecurity and Churning

4. Redemption… or Slavery

Which voice will you listen to?

You can change which voice you have been listening to.  Truth, freedom, cleansing, healing, liberty, peace, and redemption can all be yours.  You can live in victory.  Ask God to help you listen to His voice of freedom, not the enemy’s voice of bondage.

Do you need prayer?  Click on the Prayer Wall and leave us your request.  You may request prayer using a fake name, your initials, or the word “anonymous” if you would like.

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